The Bathroom Bermuda Triangle

An observation of my career in EMS. The area I have noted here is what I refer to as “The Bathroom Bermuda Triangle.”

People go in, they don’t come out. The human vacuum that is the space between the toilet, tub and wall.

A 300 lb naked human can briefly somehow become an amorphous blob and slip into this area before becoming solid again and find themselves hopelessly entrapped while being slicker than a greased pig.

Limited space to work means either you or your partner will be standing in the tub trying to yank them out of the Bathroom Bermuda Triangle while the other is kneeling in ....“something” on the floor.

You will be given no real part of the body to grab onto to assist in pulling them out. Somehow, they will all be hidden or impossible to access.

To exacerbate things this area, having been designed by Satan as a portal, will deplete the patient of any physical strength and they will not be able to assist you in anyway besides providing constant instruction that is completely counterintuitive.

When you have a patient who states that they don’t feel well and wants to go to the hospital but “can I use the bathroom first?”...the answer must always be “no” as you will no doubt find yourself 15 minutes later calling for a fire engine while you sweat like hell trying to pull on a piece of arm, love handle or cankle, cursing under your breath while a small dog barks much too loud for its size for what seems like ever and makes any intelligent thought you have hard to hear.

A healthy looking, young, unconcerned male family member is always standing in the doorway who states “I’d help you, but I have a bad back” as you slip on the tile in an unknown liquid.

Never let a patient get close to this area who is not already trapped there and if they were there before you got there...our thoughts and prayers are with you.

It’s a story and struggle as old as time itself.